Advising after listening

Transcript

Yesterday I had two conversations in which I was asked to give advice. One was a practical academic matter. A student wanted some advice on her thesis project. First I learned what she'd read and what she wanted to know, and then I gave her some suggestions. It was a quick and easy chat.

My other conversation was much more complicated. The mother of one of our students was concerned about her daughter's lifestyle, especially her eating habits. Obviously, I'm no expert on the eating habits of college women, but I have struggled with my own weight. Recently I've been fairly successful in controlling my diet, so I was able to share my experiences and give some practical advice.

But that advice was superficial. At a deeper level our conversation was not about a young woman's diet. It was really about two middle-aged adults sharing personal stories of loss and grief. At the very least our talk gave us deeper mutual understanding and respect. I think we also found some ways to encourage her daughter to deal with her challenges and gain confidence in herself.

My experiences yesterday reminded me that advice without understanding can be superficial. Often it takes a lot of deep listening. Fortunately, the student's mother was very open and articulate, but still I worked hard to listen carefully to a long story. It was well worth the effort.